just saw my last post.
oh how much things have changed in a year. can't help but let out a small sarcastic laugh as i read that last entry. one moment i'm thankful for being blessed with such a lovely girl. and the next, everything's all gone. it's the same feeling you get when you finally buy an ice cream with whatever money you have left in your wallet, only for you to drop the ice cream on the floor the next minute.
you slowly feel your eyes swelling up. you curse the heavens for making a fool of you. you wish you can turn back time and change the past. but deep inside, you know that that's never going to happen. you keep telling yourself that everything happens for a reason. a reason that you never seem to find. all you know is that there's a reason behind every action in this world. but what could that reason be? you would never ever know. all you can do is just console yourself by telling yourself that.
did i make a mistake by ending things?
it was not an overnight decision. i smiled and pretended things were alright. but deep inside, the cracks were slowly forming. and one day everything just crumbled under the pressure. i knew this day would come one day. but the amazing thing about love and belief is that as much as we know things are not looking good, somewhere deep down inside, a small part of us believe things will work out. only when it comes to love, even if there's a 1% chance of the person changing, we would hold on to that 1%.
that's why people say love is such a powerful emotion. it gives you hope and belief.
i was really hoping things would have turned out differently. but people don't change. sorry, let me rephrase that. people change. their characters don't. and even if they do change, there would have to be a very powerful reason for the change.
am i sad? definitely. some nights, i would lie down in bed and ask myself whether i should have hanged in there a little longer. whether i should have hanged on to that 1%. but i know it's no use wondering about such things. just like how it's no use crying over that ice cream on the floor.
i made a decision. and i have to live with the consequences of my decision.
thanks for all the wonderful memories. you will always have a special place in my heart... *
